This blog entry is a postscript to the 'Selfish Selflessness' entry: I wanted to clarify what I meant because I was afraid I'd given the impression of a wine-quaffing precocious mother who leaves her child crying while she flicks through her wardrobe for the right outfit. Heaven forbid!
I wanted to express what feels very important to me, in this unfamiliar journey of motherhood, that when the time is right (clearly not with a newborn or very young infant but eventually) if a mother makes sure that she doesn't just become a hollow husk of a person who gives all she has to the others in the house, but rather gives herself snacks, slices and chunks of time to fill her inner well, she ensures not only her own soul's wellbeing but the inner health of the rest of the family too.
When I was at varsity, we learnt about Winnicott's concept of the 'good enough mother', which I'll end with here: he describes how this kind of mother 'starts off with an almost complete adaptation to her infant's needs, and as time proceeds she adapts less and less completely, gradually, according to the infant's growing ability to deal with her failure' (and before you think I either remember this verbatim from 20 years ago or I took the trouble to go through old lecture notes - what notes? - this quote is from a recent article in 'Living and Loving' magazine).
Hope this makes sense...
2 comments:
I get a bit mixed up with your very philosophical motherly thoughts ...but it's late and I've had a bit of wine :)
It's sort of like 'boiling a frog slowly' isn't it...and just as dangerous.
I believe that a parent's role is to ensure that the child is cared for and has everything he needs to slowly reach his full potential in every way but parents can only do that if they know that they are still free to be and become, and have not become enslaved to their child's needs. So snacks and slices and chunks are healthy eats!
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